Are They Taking The Piss?

So, it’s the time of year when we parents may find ourselves summoned into new educational environments; high schools, primary schools, colleges…

I was deployed to a High School. I have opinions but I kept them in check. I don’t want to be that parent. Also, I’m generally happy with the school my son got in the joyous draw, so I don’t really want to make waves. And I don’t want to be THAT parent.

The head gave her little speech. Then another member of officer cadre stepped up and gave his spiel. He was very jolly. Did the usual bits about the importance of punctuality, attendance and all that jazz. And then he pressed one of my buttons. He casually throws out the line that children shouldn’t be nipping out of lessons to go to the toilet. Hmm. Well. I’m not saying that kids should just come and go as they please but I do firmly believe that they should be able to answer the call of nature without being threatened with the long-term implication that they will now fail their GCSEs and the short-term consequence of being interrogated about why they didn’t go in break time.

I’ll tell you why it pisses (ha!) me off. I was subject to the same draconian rules and interrogations. I would sit there squirming in my seat, desperate not to make a spectacle of myself. Performing an opportunity cost assessment; which will be more embarrassing? Being humiliated for needing to go to the toilet or sitting and quietly wetting myself. “Why didn’t you go at break time, Andrews?” I don’t know sir, maybe it’s the Autism that hadn’t been diagnosed at that point. Maybe it’s the anxiety I experienced then and still do today. Maybe I was just having fun. Maybe, and I think this was probably it; I didn’t need to go then!

So, the long term affects of this are that I had a bladder condition in later life which is probably attributable to holding urine too long. Well, these days I have the bladder of a pensioner. Thanks teachers!

When I was teaching in a high school myself, I never questioned a child’s motivation for wanting to go to the toilet. No student ever took the piss (ha!), they went, they came back as quick as they could. The secret to this, I like to think, was that I made my lessons interesting; the students didn’t want to miss out. I got in trouble a few times in schools where students weren’t allowed to pop to the loo because I would sign a note saying they could. At around the same time I was trying everything to control my own bladder because if I had to go what were my options? A science teacher can’t very well just dash out, can they? Well, I did. Again, I made that assessment; do I dash for it, or do I stand in front of a class and gently wet myself. Fortunately, these days I am a bit more assertive. So, I went to the loo. And I let students go to the loo.

Also, isn’t stopping people going to the lav used as a torture technique? I’ll post a link to an interesting article on Sanitation as a Human Right for you to peruse.

So, as this member of the leadership team gave his little speech I fought down two urges: One, to call him out on the issues, the second to stand up and very loudly and obviously ask for directions to the toilets myself.

But I really don’t want to be that parent, so I didn’t.